I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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