Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
