Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
