totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
