i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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