I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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