I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
