I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
