My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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