New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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