angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize