so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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