Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
