ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my being single is dangerous.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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