I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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