I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
