Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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