I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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