don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Randomize
