i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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