i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
