Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
