Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
