"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
