i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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