I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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