don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You were trust falling into bushes
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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