Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You pole danced in your parka.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
