You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
