she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
