i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
