my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Houston, we have a blender
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
