you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
