this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
even my farts smell like vagina
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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