You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
