Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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