accomplished twins. life is a go
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
