You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Im part way to drunk.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
