Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
