The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
