I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
