You can't motorboat a personality
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
