just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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