I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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