my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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