I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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