Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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