I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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