Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
