State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wish there were birth control emojis
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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