oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
