my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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