You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
