Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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