Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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