Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
