never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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