I want to have your abortion
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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