people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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