tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
